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The difference between responding to someone the way we would want to be treated and responding in a way that meets their needs lies in recognizing that each individual’s needs are unique. When supporting someone in distress, our response should be guided by what they need rather than what we would personally find helpful, as our emotional needs, coping strategies, and preferences may differ significantly from theirs.
A person-centred approach is therefore particularly important. This approach recognizes that individuals have different personalities, experiences, coping styles, boundaries, and emotional needs. It is especially valuable when supporting children and adolescents because it encourages us to understand the young person’s experience from their perspective and, from that understanding, help them develop appropriate coping skills, strategies, and techniques that empower them to navigate their challenges in a healthy and effective way.
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I totally agree with Kere. There is an important difference between treating someone the way we would want to be treated and responding in a way that meets their individual needs. The first approach is based on our own experiences, preferences, and assumptions. While well-intentioned, it can result in imposing values or solutions onto the client. The second approach is person-centered, strengths-based, and trauma-informed, asking instead, “What does this person need, given their lived experience, circumstances, strengths, culture, preferences, and current capacity?”
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The difference between the two lies in the fact that individuals are generally never exactly the same in their attitudes, thought patterns, beliefs, experiences and behaviours. That being said, the way I would want to be treated in a situation may not necessarily be what another person needs or wants- though said situation may be similar and/or familiar. The focus ought to be on what understanding and meeting the needs of the individual, as opposed to inserting oneself in the scenario and deciding what the response should be “if it were me”. While empathy is important, proper thought and understanding are of greater significance before articulating a response.
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It is important to meet the client where they are at,they should always be involved in the problem solving process…accept the client as they are without judgement. It is important to guide but give them the power to make their own choices.As much as we would like to respond how we want to be treated the client needs always comes first.Sometimes the presenting problem is just the surface of what is really happening.
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I agree with both Kere and Sharon. I also think this highlights how important self-awareness is. We have our own experiences and beliefs that can influence how we respond to people, and being aware of this helps us avoid making the situation about what we would do or how we would feel. Instead, we can allow people to have a voice in deciding what support is appropriate for them. I think this also helps us to remain open to perspectives that may be different from our own and provide support without allowing our personal experiences to shape the way we respond.
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Treating someone the way you would want to be treated means responding based on how you would like someone to respond to you. For example, if I am upset, I may want someone to give me advice, so I might do the same for someone else.
On the other hand, responding in a way that meets their needs means thinking about what the other person needs at that moment. They may want advice, or they may just need someone to listen and understand them, or even give them some space. It is about putting their needs first instead of assuming they want the same thing I would want.
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We are shaped by our life experiences, family upbringing/socialization, interaction with our environment/community, religion/spirituality, education and many other facets which determine who we are and how we experience the world around us. As a result even being exposed to similar life experiences, our perspective of life may not be the same. Therefore responding to someone the way I would want to be treated may be vastly different from how that person may want to be treated.
Conversely, if we respond to someone in a way that meets that person’s need, it would demonstrate emotional intelligence, because that would mean, that we have understood and appreciated our own emotions and experiences and how that may differ from the emotions and experiences of another person.
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Responding to someone the way you would want to be treated prioritises your lived experience and preferences. This response, while sympathetic, does not truly put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It is more important to stop and assess what is happening with the person and figure out what they need. Your response should center them.
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